Before This Ash, First A Sinner, Yesterday?

Yes, Father,
indubitably,
I wore long leggings and a fake face,
ribbons, red suspenders,
bright knotted bows around my ankles,
my skin cotton'd in some southern armor,
pagan fiddles calling me to stiffen,
to dance liberated,
the dim growing light, wet with body,
a sun somewhere
still snoozing
   yet to rise,

I fantasized about battle
and Catholic women,
I ate breakfast like a Last Supper,
like a first principles meal,
on the air
   and on my morning breath
warm whiskey floated,
through vapid silver smoke
   I recited poetry,
not prayer,

I cussed, loud, not looking around,
I laughed, louder, jaw unhinged,
rabble, riffraff,
canaille,
I drove drunk, y'all,
and I gave everyone the bird,

I threw every living thing that walked
or crawled
on the surface of the Earth
   into the mud,
I was thrown
   into the mud,
I gave colossal colorful hugs
to villains
wearing robes of kaleidoscopic hallucination,
whispered "I love you" to strangers,
plenty,
I scraped my elbows and licked the black blood
   from angel's wings,
I knelt at a concrete tomb,
A Frenchman sang the droll eulogy,
I swooned lust
(for the Holy Ghost)

I allowed sweat to cloud my vision,
I let coke clog my nose,
liquor, that delightful thief,
borrowed/stole my judgement,
licentiousness was my godhead,
and I taunted every whip drawn,

oh yes, Father,
I sinned,
I was beaten
I was lashed
I was groped

I loved it all

terror
in the crawfish pond,
a worm
on the front lawn,
chicken hawk hustler wrestling
   in the black baptism of a roadside ditch,

BUT,
Father,
I say this -
I was good to the little children,
yes,
as
Christ commanded.

TA